Filling in holes  

Posted by Kamelia

I'm filled with trepidation everytime I click on the "create new post" button. Very rarely do I actually write with confidence nowadays. Filled with doubt, I type these words, and wonder why do I care so much.


Hallaj said I should blog about something he could actually comment on. Huh! I am fully aware that my blog is not really the central hub for political discussions and heated debates that are thought provoking, and posts that would induce 7, 8 comments one hour after I've created a new post. Nor am I vastly popular, whereby a simple post saying that I am about to change jobs, or talking about my favourite colour is going to generate comments that go down the page.

All I am able to rely on are good friends, and pretty small circle of readers that pretty much have nothing better to do than to traipsise through this humble blog of mine where I rant and rave. I am FULLY aware of all this.

Don't think for a moment I don't wish that I could have a better following, and join the likes of Yasmin Ahmad, and TV Smith. Their blog addresses pasted on every bloghopper's favourites. But I know my limitations and flaws. I am :

1) Not very interested in politics. Yes, I may be ignorant, but ignorance is bliss sometimes, and in a world wrought with politics, as every day goes by (as you get older, they are harder to ignore) but I have neither the patience to follow politics, nor the will to care about them.

2) aware that I am basically uneducated, and do not want to pretend that I know about things I don't know about. (I've only known what the word "hiatus" means while bloghopping) And knowing that whatever I am saying is going to and can be viewed by anyone in with an internet connection, I am even more humbled. Words have consequences. Free speech? No such thing. Sorry Laj and Jahui.

3) constantly afraid of what others think, and feel. Therefore, unable to simply criticize people. Some people do have that ability. To say what's on their mind, and tanslate feelings precisely into words. I used to be able to, but due to some unfortunate events, my ability to write that way have flown away along with the person who holds them.

It's all pessimistic and depressing, but I believe or think that that is how I am built. Things may change. I am unsure.

I am learning something new everyday.




This entry was posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

6 comments

*grins*

Well, yes, free speech does have its irrevocable repercussions. And I don't think there's anything wrong with just blogging for the sake of blogging, and not caring who reads them... or not. And there's definitely nothing 'uneducated' to not write about politicking and the likes of it - people like me just write about external stuff because we are internally empty.

Well, your writing seems awesome.

Take care and enjoy yourself.
G'night

yes. i have to admit. we can never be another yasmin ahmad or a tukangtaip. be urself and blog about things that affects you the most. for me, the ups and downs of a relationship do affect me the most. i am constantly hurt over and over again but i think i should never give up in the never ending search of true love. agree?

lol. You are seriously good at provoking me. I have no doubt about that. Ever since I know you, the best thing you do is provoke me. In a way it's a good thing since I kinda like to argue at times. However, sometimes I dont really enjoy it much and just sit down and think of what people say and stuffs. Sometimes, I'd like to think of you as a nice person and some other times, a part of me would say 'the worse part of Kamy has arrived'.

Whatever it is Kamy, when I say you should do this and you should do that or you shouldnt do this and shouldnt do that, you dont have to go and TRY to perform it you okay.

As most people would say, be yourself and do whatever that makes YOU happy, not everyone else :)

Looking at the bright side, I am commenting now am I now? Even if its something that I cannot comment on? Think about that eh, who should be complaining, isnt it supposed to be you and not me? ;)

Hallaj, why would you want to hurt a girl?

Haha, im being such an ass.

ala...I wasn't hurt by what u said la Laj. It's just something I've always thought. Inferiority complex in the blogging world. :P

and I know, althought I don't get that many comments, people still read them right?

and i just saw u coming online...

haha!

p/s- I provoke u meh? how nice! :P

lol ... told ya gal .. dont trust or follow Laj's words

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