Contagious Bad Moods  

Posted by Kamelia

Well woudln't be that crazy to most people. Next to gun-toting and pub-going angst, it was nothing. But I guess to me, it was crazy enough. I felt so suffocated yesterday. Bad moods - they can be pretty contagious. On my left is the never ending love tornado. I can imagine how it feels. Like a gunshot to your gut. Feeling as if you can never let go, and yet feeling it slipping away so quickly. Grasping it by the tail, and feeling it slithering away.

On my right was betrayal. No, I don't mean he betrayed me. But rather he was feeling betrayed. By people he sees everyday. But the very people you thought you trust. The feeling of sinking in the quicksand, and the air is fast running out. You are gasping for air, and you want to hold on to someone, but there's no one to grasp. No one's around, and the ones who are around are not dependable enough.

So I went mad. With Right and Left in bad moods, it rendered me speechless too. I've been suffocating myself for the past week. I haven't seen him in a week, and already I'm feeling lonely. As if no one would understand. Although reality differs. I had to get out. I wanted to get away from the feeling of being judged at every second of the day. "Am I not wearing the right clothes? Am I too loud? Am I too fat? Maybe too bossy?" I needed to go some place else. That place was home. But home would have to wait. I have obligations.

So I did the mad thing I did. I went to Mawar College, and bought myself the day's issue of News Straits Times - Seamless. How apt. And I got myself a new pen. A new release. I went on the next bus, and I walked to the nearest place outside of UiTM with air conditioning and clean premises. McDonald's. My saviour. Splurged on my favourite meal, went upstairs and sat by the window. And as the sun set over the horizon, I ate dinner alone in my own world. Immersed in politics, economics, humour, and thought. After I finished it, I took out my new pen, and penned down my feelings. The day's edition of the newspaper had a blank front page. It was a sign all by itself. So I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.

I wanted to be a 13 year old again. Awkward, but otherwise happy. Content in my own world. When being friends with people were so much simpler...and was not contaminated with the politics of life.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


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