"Just as we are!"

Sitting in a booth, raising your glass, and uttering those words in total solidarity gives my goosebumps, and utter happiness, but in a deeper level, it reminded me about a whole lot of other things that used to happen long time ago, that probably led up to the utterance of those words, sitting with two increidble human beings which I respect and admire.

I remember how when I was 13, I was struggling to fit in. My baju kurung skirt swept the ground, and I had school shoes that resembled platforms, and the kancing of my tunic was wide open, with a hint of the camisole lace I was wearing. I didn't wear all this out of choice. I was forced to, in order to join this clique that I wanted to be in so much.

I remember staring into the display glass the reflected my reflection in the shopping mall, hating myself for conforming to all that. Hated how dirty my skirt was getting, or how much all of us look like each other. I think it was then I started hanging out more with Smita, Sarita and Kasthuri in my class. We incidentally sat side by side, and I think it resulted in the closest bond I've ever had with girls my age. I think our friendship we have still endured had none of us remained so selfish. Too selfish to apologize, too selfish to ackonwledge our mistakes, too selfish to call before the other left the country. I eventually did call her....Smita. But her handphone was already disconnected then. I might have cried, I don't remember.

So I moved on. I became even closer to Kas, and I think out friendship reached new heights. I am truly myself when I am with her. We oogled boys, we slept on each other's laps, (most she slept on mine, she was much too skinny) and we understood each other perfectly.

I think only then could I have had the guts to raise my glass, and say "just as we are!" with all earnestness and sincerity.