I'm filled with trepidation everytime I click on the "create new post" button. Very rarely do I actually write with confidence nowadays. Filled with doubt, I type these words, and wonder why do I care so much.


Hallaj said I should blog about something he could actually comment on. Huh! I am fully aware that my blog is not really the central hub for political discussions and heated debates that are thought provoking, and posts that would induce 7, 8 comments one hour after I've created a new post. Nor am I vastly popular, whereby a simple post saying that I am about to change jobs, or talking about my favourite colour is going to generate comments that go down the page.

All I am able to rely on are good friends, and pretty small circle of readers that pretty much have nothing better to do than to traipsise through this humble blog of mine where I rant and rave. I am FULLY aware of all this.

Don't think for a moment I don't wish that I could have a better following, and join the likes of Yasmin Ahmad, and TV Smith. Their blog addresses pasted on every bloghopper's favourites. But I know my limitations and flaws. I am :

1) Not very interested in politics. Yes, I may be ignorant, but ignorance is bliss sometimes, and in a world wrought with politics, as every day goes by (as you get older, they are harder to ignore) but I have neither the patience to follow politics, nor the will to care about them.

2) aware that I am basically uneducated, and do not want to pretend that I know about things I don't know about. (I've only known what the word "hiatus" means while bloghopping) And knowing that whatever I am saying is going to and can be viewed by anyone in with an internet connection, I am even more humbled. Words have consequences. Free speech? No such thing. Sorry Laj and Jahui.

3) constantly afraid of what others think, and feel. Therefore, unable to simply criticize people. Some people do have that ability. To say what's on their mind, and tanslate feelings precisely into words. I used to be able to, but due to some unfortunate events, my ability to write that way have flown away along with the person who holds them.

It's all pessimistic and depressing, but I believe or think that that is how I am built. Things may change. I am unsure.

I am learning something new everyday.